As we all know its the day we can't ignore,Valentines day or as I like to call it how much money can you waste on flowers and cuddly toys to show your love?Im not against the day but Ive never really been in to it.I remember when I worked in a office and I sat on a row with 3 other women.One of the women had flowers,cards gallons dropped off as did the others.I got jack.I put it down to not telling guys where I worked.I went home that day feeling shit,I felt ugly and worthless.Why because I didn't receive stuff from random men who came into the office. I thought about this yesterday and laughed.I laughed at about how my mind went to the negative.Then I felt sad for that old me actually scrap that I felt sad for me,the me that still sometimes goes there.Oh and boy did I go there yesterday.Sat in Westfields I went over every relationship that has never worked out and pulled myself apart,It went a lil something like this
I am shit at relationships
why can't I love?
Why can't I let someone love me?
No wonder it didn't work out with Tom Jack or Winston its because I'm are a mess
I feel so bad
Its because Im a fat cow
Its because Im to intense
Its because I'm a moody cow
I sat with these thoughts for around 20mins and tears came to my eyes.I didn't want to cry in Westfield so I did what most people would do in this situation and go into H & M smile at the security and say I know your closing but I need to nip upstairs.I touched soft bath mats,picked up gold mugs and imagined my kitchen with green accents.As I left Westfield one of those songs came on,you know those songs that you can't help but car dance? One of my songs is sexual.I thought It won't happen,Im in a mood,Im sad,I need to be with my nobody loves me thoughts...then it happened,coat off,window cracked a bit,volume up..You got that thing that I've been looking for...I was car dancing and singing,kinda forgot why I was sad and said to myself one day I will sing this song to someone.
Now with all the above said,I hope you enjoy this day today,whatever it means for you.
14th of Feb also means 2 other things to me.
My nephews birthday 'shout out to Josh'
& its the day before my Aunties birthday 'shout out to Lynda aka Home Bakery Boss"